I will admit, I've been dreading writing this post. Every day I wake up and try to gain the strength to write this story but it escapes me.
I have never lost a dog before. My first dog was Zoey, my miniature poodle that I grew up with who I lost the very same day as Audrey. She was just a few months shy of 16 years old. I got her when I was 10 years old and she was my world. She was there for me every step of the way, from good days to bad days, to my prom and even my wedding. She has been 'old' for a very long time. I had mentally prepared myself for her death since she was about 10 years old. Mostly because dogs don't usually live to see the age 15 or 16 so I never even imagined that would be possible. When she reached age 12 I thought to myself "I need another dog", because I knew I would be getting married and moving out of the house soon and I needed something to comfort me when Zoey would eventually pass.
That's when Audrey came in. 2013 was probably one of the most stressful but best years of my life. We built a house, got married and got a puppy (Audrey).
As everyone knows, Audrey had puppies December 1st 2016. The birth was flawless and she was a wonderful mother to her 8 little babies. On January 8th 2017, when the puppies were just over 5 weeks old, Audrey fell very ill. She had a large mass in her belly and I noted a high fever. We rushed her to emergency and was diagnosed with Evan's Syndrome and Lyme disease. She was given 8 different medications (Prednisone, ASA, Sulcrate, Doxycycline, Azathioprin, Metronidazole, Pepcid, Fortiflora and 2 other perscriptions that she never managed to take). So as you can imagine - that is no life for a dog. All those pills were hard on her. She was hospitalized for a week (see my previous post 'Audrey's battle with Evan's' for more info on that). She came home and did very well for two weeks. Her PCV went up to 36% and she was eating and playing again just like her normal self. On February 3rd I could tell something wasn't right. She seemed 'off'. I let her out for a pee and poop and when she came in she had blood all over her back end and down her legs. We rushed her to emerg again and they said she likely had a bleed from all her medications and was also probably not responding to treatment. We checked her PCV and it was at 22% which is not great because it was steadily declining from just a few days ago. Saturday Feb 4 her PCV was up to 24% but that evening she again had explosive bloody diarrhea and was clearly in discomfort. On Monday Feb 6th her PCV was at 21% and Tuesday 20%.
Wednesday February 8th I woke to let Audrey outside before work. She wouldn't drink but ate snow like she was dying of thirst. She came inside the house and stood awkwardly like she was in pain and wouldn't walk, just stood there still looking at me hunched. She had these eyes that I will never forget, they looked sad and tired and I could see she was trying to tell me "mom it hurts". Her belly was distended from her enlarged spleen working over time trying to fight this awful disease. Her gums were whiter then I have ever noticed. Her hair was long so it masked her weight loss. She vomited before I left for work. I knew what was going to happen. I knew it was the end. I took this picture before I left the house for work.
When Audrey was given her diagnosis just 2 weeks after my visit with the medium I knew right away what would happen.
We will probably plant two trees in the summer, one for Zoey and one for Audrey.
I wear Audrey's dog tag around my neck to feel close to her until I have something made in honor of my two girls.
Only time will help heal these wounds of ours. Every day I find a little more peace with myself but I will never forget the love I have for these two precious girls. I am glad they are no longer suffering but the selfish part of me wants them to stay forever no matter what.
They were both my inspiration with poodles and in breeding.
See you at the rainbow bridge my precious angels.